Note this post is full of photos…of me! Total overload but….hey, that’s the result of a recent photo shoot!
For a while now I’ve been ‘stuck’.
In the past. In my head.
In the past.
In my head.
Someone said ‘You have to stop living in a post’. You have to move on. Write new stories.
Someone said ‘You have to stop being afraid of people seeing you. Take new photos.
All pretty scary stuff for me.
So I’m here, with a new song in my mouth. Once again. A story of self-acceptance and self-love. Of new beginnings.
I’m amazed all the things that happen when we give up worrying, trying to ‘fix, fix, fix’.
Like ‘fix’ weight loss.
Would you believe that I’ve lost weight………..with NO conscious effort. I’m heading to a new high – the weight I was when I had my first child ten long years ago.
Don’t you even dare ask what that is. I’m sooooooooooooo not saying but it feels pretty damn good!
I’m amazed by all the things that happen when we find courage, in 10 seconds or more to ‘try and see what happens’.
That could bring new friends.
Like Zina.
Of the Egusi devilled eggs fame. And the wonderful photographer behind these photos.
This shameless display of me.
Which I’m not totally comfortable with……………. Just so you know….
But which I love for letting me accept who I am and how I look.
Zina caused me to wear red, on my lips and around my neck for this photoshoot.
I felt like a model. For an hour.
These photos are very me.
They reflect the things that are uppermost in my mind. My natural hair for one.
Discovering my natural curl pattern and loving it to pieces.
For me, there has been and continues to be some primal, visceral feeling in having my natural hair. I can’t stop touching it. Its like discovering a part of me, a whole new side of me that’s been hidden for ages.
There’s my love and pride in where I’m from. Doesn’t for a minute mean that it is all sweetness and light but I love that I am who I am, where I am and at this time.
I learnt to ‘hang my neck on a clothes line’ – pushing my head forward and ‘hooking’ it on some imaginary clothes line. I look weird.
I learnt to stare at the camera. Uncomfortable long stares. To laugh genuinely. To jump even.
What I’m saying again is – I’m re-learning to re-teach my thing, me, my loveliness. I’d forgotten.
But they won’t let me.
Because they care.
Love. Matters. To. Me.
It means the world to me.
I am humbled, amazed that God loves me above all else. I’m learning to feel worthy of His love. Accepting of the perfection He’s crafted in me.
I am afraid that I might get arrogant but the converse is scary – that I might not appreciate the wonder that I am and that’s not an option I want to consider.
The love and adoration with which my children sometimes look at me shakes me up completely. They forget my angry moments. Especially early mornings when we’re pushing to leave home early. The things they say to me rock my world. My 8 year old says that 5 or 6 people in her class want to be chefs when they grow up – they love my food and my cooking.
My son will look at me with his glorious lashes and say ‘Mama, you’re beautiful. But you have a big tummy. And bum.’
My 10 year old never passes up an opportunity to draw and sketch something for me, like her ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ drawing which sits proudly on my desk.
My friends? Boy. I won’t start with the wonderful friends that surround me.
Who never let up on me. Who take every opportunity to tell me the truth, kindly most times.
Who push me. Inspire me. Encourage me.
I’m not afraid to say I love you. That it means the world to me.
I’ll ditch the crutches, the thoughts that keep me bound.
So, again on another day of ‘Love’, there’s cause for celebration. Of newness. Of confronting oneself. Of friendships.
I hope you find love whatever it means to you, in the cracks and crevices of life, in all the glorious places that surround us.
I hope not only that we have the best friends but that we are and continue to be the best friends ever.
Like Charlotte was to Wilbur in ‘Charlotte’s Web’. Friends to the very end.
Peace & Love XXX
——♥♥♥♥♥——
Check out Zina’s work and art on her website.
All photos but two (2) by Zina.
When I read this post, I see self-acceptance everywhere. A beautiful thing, aye, a beautiful thing!
Nice pictures. Admirable self love. Great but in line with what the person told you- lol; for me, maybe you shouldn’t stop living in your posts. The passion and approach to life will certainly encourage many but you should also write new posts. Nice work.
Thank you Dr. K. I appreciate it. I will continue to write new and I hope, inspiring posts :-)…..
You are truly blessed madame butterfly!
Thanks my love!
Thanks dear.
[…] For Zina, it all began when she spied the truck deliver produce right outside her office. The very same driver who we caught a glimpse of at the start of our visit. […]
OzOz, I love these photos. These beautiful photos of you! You embrace life and it shows.
I feel you. I rarely step in front of the camera almost always behind it. Life is a journey and we always work towards self-acceptance and the joy of being who were were meant to be….s
Your post was very touching and very real. Thanks for sharing it!
Velva
Oz, the most beautiful post ever! I was going to tease you tomorrow on the red lips until I read that part. Your pictures are the best, you look fab.
Thank you my love!
What a beautiful post for Valentine’s Day. It’s great to hear about the different types of love – God’s love, love between friends, a child’s love, and especially loving yourself. We could all use a bit of help with that last one I think.
Thanks Liz – and yes, we could all use a bit of help on self-love. Day-by-day and step-by-step!
My dear, dear friend how I miss your beautiful face…lovely post and touching…
I miss you too. I hope I come to NY this year 🙂
I’m crying after reading this, dear Ozoz. How I love you and thank you for your incredible courage and bravery and honesty and openness. XO
Hugs Krista. Thank you, friend.
So beautiful, Oz. No more words. Just beautiful.
Thank you my love.
Lovely post that celebrates love and an enormous zest for life. Innocent words out of a babe’s mouth! My daughter recently told me “For me you are the epitome of an entrepreneur woman of the 90ies”, maybe I should wear more red lipstick. Love the overload of pictures, they are fantastic and I discovered we share the same tooth gap!
:-). Red lipstick. Hmmmm…..I’m still thinking on that one! I might get some, scary as it is! Yes, *tooth gap hi5*. Thanks dear.
Beautiful words, beautiful photos, beautiful lady. I just loved looking into your eyes. Love and hugs to you my friend. xx
Hi my love. Hugs back to you all! Lots and lots of love.
This is more like a movie acted by words, love the artistic combination of the words and pictures. Zina is a wonderful photographer and you stay as an inspiration to my younger brother and I, we love you.
Thank you Bro. Thank you.
OMG you are so stunning Madame butterfly (I hope you don’t mind me calling you that)
You are truly stunning inside and out. What a fabulous and inspirational post. Keep the loving.. It’s really nice to see you properly .. Now I feel I know you better.. I see the determination, wisdom and fun in you. X L
Thank you Lara :-). Of course I don’t mind you calling me Madame Butterfly :-)!!! Stay well dear.
Beautiful you and your beautiful words. Always an inspiration!
Thank you Joan. It means a lot to me.
This was awe awe awesome. Absolutely loved this
Thank you dear.
Love this post, and LOVE the photo overload!!!!! more! My 3 yr old is like- mommy you’re so pretty! (kiss kiss) then looks at my belly and says- when is the baby coming out? (I keep trying to explain to him that the baby came out already 5 months ago – his little brother! 😛
Ha ha ha. Children aye? We mothers have them!
This made lovely reading, and I’m happy you’re in such a good place with yourself. “There’s nothing sexier than a confident woman..” And I forget who said that, lol. Happy Valentine!
Hmmm….journeying still…destination known – contentment. It will be well.
Have a great day, dear.
Hiya! I first you. *backflips* Yes I do love lemon tea. The scent and the taste is my second addictive taste. Lol at ” You are Very beautiful, but you have a big bum & tummy…” Thats the essence of the african woman you know. Happy Valentine.
But I neither have a big bum or tummy :-(….I keep telling him but the young man won’t listen!!
Have a wonderful day, friend.